“Just toss me in the lake.”
That’s what my friend’s dad said the first time she brought up end-of-life planning. It was a joke—sort of. Like many Boomer parents, he wanted to avoid the topic entirely. But she stayed steady. Over time, he opened up, and what began as an awkward conversation eventually became a loving exchange of values, wishes, and care.
Talking about death doesn’t have to be a stressful confrontation. It can be a way of showing up with love, respect, and foresight.
This blog is for Toronto-based Millennials who are starting to care for aging parents—especially those whose families haven’t yet had the conversation. Here’s what early end-of-life planning really looks like, and how it can change your family dynamic for the better.
Why It Matters: Preparation is a Gift for Everyone
I brought this topic up with my own family after a relative had an unexpected stroke. Each parent responded differently to the idea of advance care planning—but ultimately, it gave us a chance to talk about what mattered to each of them, at a time when we weren’t in crisis. The relief was tangible. I think it helped my parents feel cared for, and it gave me more confidence that I’d know how to honour their wishes when the time comes.
The research backs this up:
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Advance care planning (ACP) has been shown to reduce anxiety, improve clarity in medical decisions, and enhance alignment between patients' values and the care they receive (Jimenez et al., 2018).
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Caregivers who engage in early planning are less likely to experience burnout, absenteeism, or decision paralysis during medical emergencies (Martins et al., 2022).
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Though ACP can stir uncomfortable feelings, participants report it ultimately brings peace of mind—especially when the process is tailored to their timing and values (Jimenez et al., 2018).
What Preparation Actually Looks Like
Many people think planning means picking out a casket. In reality, it starts with small, meaningful steps:
Choose a Power of Attorney (POA) – Personal Care and Property (Estate) are separate. Make sure the designated POA knows their role and is comfortable with it. Conversations are key here.
Discuss values around care and death – For one parent, “quality of life” might mean staying home no matter what; for the other, it might mean not being kept alive on machines.
Fill out the Ontario Advance Care Planning Workbook – It’s free, practical, and designed specifically for Ontarians. It helps you and your parent think through wishes around medical care, life support, and more. Get it here.
Use death conversation tools – Try Go Wish cards, The Death Deck, or even just a notepad titled “Before I Die…” These tools lighten the mood and help people speak more freely.
Create a file folder of essentials – Include the will, banking info, funeral or burial preferences, contact numbers, POA forms, and insurance policies.
As Sunnybrook Hospital notes, an advance care planning conversation is a chance to reflect on values and wishes—not just medical choices—and it should ideally include the person’s chosen Substitute Decision Maker (Sunnybrook, n.d.).
How to Start the Conversation
DOs:
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Choose a calm moment (not during an argument or health scare)
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Lead with curiosity: “I read this blog that said…” or “Would you be open to doing this workbook together?”
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Ask about values: “What’s important to you if you were ever seriously ill?”
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Offer to do your own planning first. Lead by example.
DON’Ts:
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Don’t rush or pressure them
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Don’t jump to worst-case scenarios
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Avoid guilt-tripping or turning it into a morality talk
Sometimes the first talk doesn’t go well. That’s okay. You can circle back when the time is right.
Local Resources for Ontario-Based Millennials
Here’s where you can find trustworthy, local tools to guide this process:
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Advance Care Planning Ontario – Free workbook, resources, and guides
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Dying With Dignity Canada – Legal rights, planning resources, advocacy
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Toronto Public Health – End-of-Life Planning – City-level guidance and referrals
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Kensington Hospice and other Toronto-based hospices – Often offer workshops and planning events
One Client’s Story (Anonymized Composite)
“Melissa” sat down with her mom one evening and pulled out The Death Deck—a card game designed to spark light-hearted but honest conversations about dying. They poured a glass of wine and played a few cards.
At first, her mom rolled her eyes. But after a few rounds, she started to share: her fears, her hopes, and even her funeral playlist (a surprising mix of ABBA and Leonard Cohen). A few weeks later, she updated her will to include those details.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Need to Do it All Now
It’s not about ticking every box in one go. It’s about creating space for connection and clarity.
Even just saying, “I want to be able to honour your wishes someday” is a powerful beginning.
Book a Consult
If you’re struggling to figure out how or when to have this talk, or if your family dynamic makes it feel impossible—therapy can help.
This is part of the work I do with adult children and caregivers. You don’t have to do it alone.
References
Jimenez, G., Tan, W. S., Virk, A. K., Low, C. K., Car, J., & Ho, A. H. Y. (2018). Overview of systematic reviews of advance care planning: summary of evidence and global lessons. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, 56(3), 436-459. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6088519/
Martins, T. L., Alves, S., & Passos, J. P. (2022). Family caregivers at the end of life: A qualitative study on burden and support needs. BMC Palliative Care, 21, 47. https://bmcpalliatcare.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12904-022-01031-1
Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre. (n.d.). Advance care planning. https://sunnybrook.ca/content/?page=advance-care-planning
Monica Lau
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